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adding texts later.
Me: i can't imagine what my life wouldve been like in april of 04 without you in it. i mean, idk how much i let on but i was suicidal as shit back then. and there was so much back and forth between jeremy & nick that just drove me crazy. you were the only constant person. and you never let me down.
Jimmy: You didn't let it on too much. You didn't play it off as well as you thought either
Jimmy: That sucks. I felt like I was constantly letting you down. I could never bring myself to say how I felt ever, about anything. Even though I knew you really wanted me to.
Me: yeah. i think i was crying for help. hah.
Me: what i wanted more than anything was a friend who was an unconditional support and you were. and its something ill never forget, and regret taking for granted. everyone had their own agenda. nick and jeremy were selfish, but you werent. idk... easy to see now.
Jimmy: I don't know what to say. Other than that I love you more than you can understand and more than I can understand.
Me: me too. do you know how hard it is to listen to certain things without thinking about you? haha. a lot worse for me, prob. but like abbey road, final cut / the wall, tool, and the feeling I get when I think of you... is probably similar, if not equal, to the feeling i get when i hear nobody home.
Jimmy: Lol why do you think its any worse for you. I dont even listen to those albums anymore
Me: cause i figure im not something you give much thought without being prompted. but you will randomly come up in my mind during certain situations, or songs. and I think that feeling is just hopelessness. god, i have missed you for quite a long time.
Jimmy: Lol it takes nothing. I think of you so often its dumb
Me: honestly? thats hard to believe. are you serious?
Jimmy: Yeah. Im not bullshitting.
Me: I think we should make a pact to always remain in one anothers lives... cause, yeah. same here. i mean, the past hour has just been a rollercoaster of emotions. hurt that we didnt talk, upset that i took you for granted, ecstatic that im getting it all out now. like happy/sad tears combined. it just feels warm right now. like, i'd really love to hug you right now. you mean the world to me, jimmy. i hope you never forget that.
Jimmy: You're telling me. Its even emptier when youre not a part of my life
Me: i'm happy that i know you. and you can always sleep rest assured youve positively impacted someones life. i think thats a mindblowing accomplishment. the biggest.
Jimmy: Goddamnit man, id try to one up you but i cant you took the words out of my mouth and said them better than i ever could. All of it.
Jimmy: I need you in my life. I guess thats the best i can say. I really do.
Me: Thats good, because i need you in mine too.
Jimmy: Still havent met a girl worthy enough though.
Me: you'll find her, some day. maybe she'll be reading a serial killer book in a book store. :P
Me: i was talking to you the first time a certain set of lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks. from you never give me your money. 'one sweet dream, pick up the bags and get in the limosine. soon we'll be away from here. step on the gas and wipe that tear away. one sweet dream came true today.' great memory.
Me: it was just a hopeful lyric and we were listening together and suddenly a little piece of me didn't seem so lost, i guess. idk. i think listening to music and discussing it at the same time was a form of therapy.
Jimmy: I didnt even realize i needed things like that in my life. But I did and I'd probably be fucked if i had not had it.
Jimmy: Like what you were talking about. Listening to music together and shit. Having a real friend.